I guess I knew it would happen I just guess I thought there would be some warning bell or something that told me The Rhino was about to really crush me. He told me today in a very casual walk across the restaurant parking lot. I think he said something like he didn't feel the need to hold my hand anymore. The only thing that I could say was "ok I still want to hold your hand but why don't you let me know when you want to hold mine and we can grab hands then". I thought it was a good response for a mom who was having her heart broken at that moment. I never want my kids to feel guilted into things like that, I'm willing to guilt them into good behavior still but not handholding or kisses. So I got a little retrospective about The Rhino and found some pictures of times when it never would have crossed my mind that he would some day tell me that he didn't want to hold my hand....
Or smile at me, I felt like the most beautiful girl in the world
Or hug on me, I felt like the softest most squishy mom in the world
I felt like he would always take the time to stop what he was doing and give me a little pep smile.
I think what I'm seeing now is him giving himself a pep talk, figuring out how he alone fits in this place and I'm not sure there is anything better, or more important at this moment in time. Although if he asked me to I would still probably wipe his bottom ! Thanks goodness he doesn't ask!